When Your World Falls Apart

The Second Where Everything You Knew Is No More

An old friend called me out of the blue yesterday, I’ve not heard from him in a long while. He was in a frantic state, lost. He did something stupid… his words were stronger than that. His world had exploded in a 2-minute phone call. Of course, there is more to this and it had been slowly building for a while, unfortunately, he ignored the warning sign and in a moment he now has no idea what his future is or the total fallout.

I’ve been here, 4 and a half years ago, in one second, one photo and everything was gone. I can still remember the sound of my heartbeat banging inside my head, it was all I could hear as I sat in a busy restaurant frozen, yet wanting to run and now knowing what to do. It was at that point my brain “broke” and what I believed and had been working towards was no more.

My son’s father late one night tripped off a train platform, his neck hit the tracks and in that second he became quadriplegic. In that moment this very independent, 6ft tall, rugby playing man became someone who the doctors didn’t know if he could even breathe independently. My son’s big heart was broken for a very long time.

Over 25 years ago my then boyfriend’s nephew who was a beautiful happy little soul woke up from a nap with a scream and it was in that second he had an aneurysm. In that moment the lives of that family were changed forever and that sweet little boy was gone.

There are so many stories like this, I’m sure you know at least one either personally or in the news. It takes a single second, that’s it.

Yet we get hung up on so many things that don’t matter. Our lives are not promised to us.

We treat each other as something to look through or past, not even a glance and a smile… why? Are we so afraid to get hurt that we’re too afraid to live? Too afraid to truly connect? Afraid to trust? Others? Ourselves? Life? The Universe?

What I’ve learnt from my world falling apart this time:

  • To trust myself, if I can trust myself to take care of myself first, then what is there to be afraid of?

  • To love myself, for the first time in my almost 50 years, I love myself.

  • I am incredibly resilient.

  • I am my best friend and I will talk to myself with the kindness of a best friend.

  • I’m here to inspire others.

  • My joy in the little things is innate.

  • That sometimes life is shit and that’s ok, no need for toxic positivity.

  • I love myself wholly, the light and the dark. It’s all created from love to protect me.

  • Everything is temporary. THIS is temporary.

  • You can believe whatever you want to make life as beautiful as you want. We don’t know what is the truth, so why does it matter?

  • You cannot bypass your emotions, they will stay with you until they’re felt.

  • A support team is a necessity at this time. Build it, even if it’s your nail technician or massage therapist. The kindness of these people have kept my going on some very dark days.

  • Find a spark of joy to look forward to each day. For me, it was having a croissant and coffee at different places a few times a week after dropping my son off at school.

  • YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

I could go on and I think I’ll write more about this in later posts… how I’ve found my centre and move through life now, how it’s changed me; for the better.

If your world has collapsed around you and you’re standing there lost, I send you my healing love and strength. Acknowledge the hell you’re in now, it’s ok to feel and deal with it. Figure out what’s going to get you through. Reach out to people and find your support network. Find your therapy, for me it was exercise.

There’s beauty in rebuilding your life with intention after stripping away what was not in alignment with your heart, soul, and values.

*30 in 30 in 30 Challenge - Written in well over 30 mins…. oops!

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