My Book Story
Why I Wrote It, Who I Wrote It For, My Book Publishing Experience and What I'm Up To Now.
Since publishing “How To Heal from Toxic Relationships” many people have shared with me they want to write a book, they’ve had an idea for years and are yet to get started. I hope sharing my experience will encourage them and many others to take the leap and put fingers to keyboard or pen to paper.
If you’re one of these people holding onto this dream, start now, write an outline, a paragraph, a short story, a blog, or a social media post, it doesn’t matter, just get started and commit to writing every day.
I have to be honest and say I’ve not been great at this, but while reflecting yesterday during this current eclipse season and with the solar eclipse happening in about 12 hours from now (yes I’m a bit woo woo. I love the poetry and dance of these natural rhythms) I realised I’ve not truly committed to my new life I’m creating. I’m committing to writing a post a day, no matter how imperfect or short it is. How can I be a writer if I don’t practice my craft every day?
So if you’ve not been consistent, neither have I, or if you haven’t started, you can start now, so let’s commit to writing together.
Back to my book story!
Why I Wrote It
When my world fell apart at a head-spinning speed, my partner who I trusted and adored like nobody I ever had before cheated on me with his business partner. There was not only that, but also a series of very cruel events to follow, the worst being gaslit by our shared therapist later that year.
I quickly learnt about PTSD and what it feels like. I researched the knowledge as best as I could, considering I could barely function. For about 6 months, I ate and slept very little, my only focus was taking care of my son. His father had been involved in an accident only a few months before my breakdown caused by the betrayal. My son was 8-9 years old at the time and he has Down Syndrome. My beautiful boy was devastated and heartbroken. His 6ft tall rugby playing Daddy whom he adored like a God became quadriplegic after an accident and his Mummy who was his world and now sole carer was no longer happy, silly and fun. She was lost and very very heartbroken and sad. I was so lost and felt very alone in this hell.
I tried incredibly hard to recover and understand what I was going through, but I just couldn’t find the right book. The books I found on trauma were heavy, overwhelming and theory based. Some triggered me and I remember throwing one to the ground.
So this book I wrote is the book I need then, I wrote it for that version of me who needed a kind and supportive voice and a safe and gentle place to land. It’s a love note to her.
Who I Wrote It For
As I said above, I wrote it for that fragile and shattered version of myself, but I have also written it to help other women in similar situations after their world has fallen apart. I ensured it was written in a supportive and caring tone and with easy to read pieces of information so the reader gains a basic understanding. When they’re ready and so inclined, there are many books they can read to learn more about those specific topics.
I start by taking care of their physical self, this was left out of the books I picked up; The Basics. Then we move through self-care and self-love, while gently sharing what PTSD, CPTSD and trauma are, how they affect the nervous system and what those implications are. From there we move into reframing their experience, rewriting their stories, and creating a new vision for them. We cover values, boundaries, rebuilding your life and being intentional in how you’re living. Finally, we celebrate the reader.
Its focus is on the beautiful reader and their future. I did not want her to dwell too much in the past. This book is her safe space to rest her mind and heart, even for a few moments a day. I like imagining her sitting with her morning coffee and reading the book in the sunshine.
My Book Writing Experience
The book took longer to write than I anticipated and that’s my fault. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 2 years after my breakdown and 2 operations. My body was just not coping anymore… and rightly so! It was just too much. I was still determined to keep moving forward, I don’t give up, especially when I have such a beautiful family to take care of (my now 13 yr old son Conor and Ziggy Woo our black cat).
I decided to undertake a self-publishing course with coaching. I love the idea of creating books that positively impact the world. I also intended on life coaching and knew they’d complement each other beautifully. Unfortunately, my health got in the way many times, I could be fine and then something would happen and I’d be severely fatigued, in pain and suffering brain fog for weeks or even months.
In the brief times when my health was ok, it felt so good to make progress. It took me a year to complete. For ease, my coaches suggested I use an agency, the package included a ghostwriter, editor, formatter, copywriter and designer. Yes, I used a ghostwriter, I couldn’t trust my energy levels and health, plus my constant brain fog. I wrote an extremely detailed outline with all of the exercises, coloring-in pages, meditations, journal prompts, etc. My dear writer, Carol filled in the spaces for me. It’s funny how the world works as she also lives with Fibromyalgia and so we were very supportive of each and I now have a beautiful new friend.
The book moved along each stage seamlessly within the agency’s platform. I chose each professional and read through everything. I read through the whole book many times during the writing stage. I don’t regret having a ghost writer as I wasn’t capable at the time of doing all of the writing justice. Imperfect action is better than none and I wanted this book out of my head and into the hands of people who needed it.
I created all the bonuses within the book, which included PDF downloadables of the exercises, planners and coloring-in pages. I recorded meditations and filmed supporting videos to assist the reader through the process. I want the reader to have as much support as possible, I even have a Facebook group to continue the support there. Creating these was all learning curves, I may be a certified meditation teacher, but I’ve never recorded a meditation professionally!
I’ve also created a companion Coloring In Journal so the reader can continue coming to a gentle, safe and uplifting space after they’ve finished the book, or to use alongside. Soon I will create a journal with the same theme.
I’ve enjoyed the process of its creation and guiding it to become a physical book. For my next book of this series, which is about to get started! I will be far more present and aware of the process. I’ve learnt so much the first time, now I know how to direct my book and how to avoid previous mistakes. I can’t wait to get the process started again.
What I'm Up To Now
As I mentioned before, I intended to do life coaching, all of my branding still says this… and being honest with myself, I don’t want to do coaching right now. I still feel that my energy isn’t strong enough to be in the presence of other’s energy, especially if they’re going through a challenging time. I’ve been through almost 50 years of trauma, PTSD and CPTSD due to other people’s trauma, PTSD and CPTSD, I need to focus on myself now.
I’m thoroughly enjoying my quiet, peaceful and joyful life of self-discovery. Plus I have this image of writing in beautiful places all over the world, travelling light and passionately living life… taking it all in with all of my senses.
I’m also really enjoying this new self-publishing journey of mine, what a wonderful way to be creative! I have so many ideas that I don’t know how to keep up. Now I’ve decided to put life coaching on hold and commit to self-publishing, I’m so excited. It feels right and where I’m meant to be right now.
HOW TO HEAL FROM TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
If you’d love to see my book listing, click « HERE »
(*you may need to change the link to your country when in Amazon)
If you have any questions about writing your book or anything at all, I’m all ears :o)
Jen.