Insomnia
Making friends with your Night Self.
I’m currently in my bed writing at 7:30 pm with every intention of going to sleep by 10:30 pm tonight. I’m so tired, I’m fairly certain I’ll have no problem achieving this. The last few nights I’ve had 4 hours of sleep maximum. I’ve just not been tired enough to fall asleep. If you’re into astrology, you’ll know there’s a powerful Scorpio full moon. I went through the eclipse season fine, but these full moons can keep me awake. Isn’t it amazing how the moon can have this effect on us?
Anyway… it’s nice, cosy and warm, and I’m slowly fading so I better hurry up!
Yesterday I listened to Sarah Wilson talk to Annabel Abbs, who has written a book called ‘Sleepless: Discovering the Power of the Night Self’. You can listen to the podcast below. They discuss embracing your sleeplessness rather than fighting it and refer to the sleepless version of you as your Night Self. As I’m so tired and struggling to think, I’m simply going to copy and paste the summary from the podcast in this <LINK HERE>.
“Annabel Abbs (English novelist; author of Sleepless) was crippled with insomnia. Rather than fight it she looked for its productive plus side and discovered that many incredible creatives have needed to stay awake to access their best selves – their Night Selves. Particularly women, as it turns out. Annabel chats to me about how famous writers, painters and Hollywood stars have used their sleeplessness to create their best work, and the science that explains why this happens - the role hormones play, how the nocturnal quietening of the prefrontal cortex affects women’s ability to access their creative courage and how we can access our body’s hallucinogens! We also cover why it’s good to stay awake in a full moon, why women need to invest in blackout curtains (to cut their cancer risk!) and the role of feminist rage in all this!
I learnt many years ago that stressing about sleeplessness does not help you one bit. I have a long history of little sleep. 10 years as a florist with 2-4 hours of broken sleep with my little boys’ feet on my head made life interesting! I learnt to not sit down at 3 pm or I will not get back up. When I had my breakdown 4.5 years ago, I maybe got 1-2 hours a night. Where I’m at now, 5-7 hours, usually 6 hours… unless there’s a full moon. I go through stages where I might wake up at the same time eg. 2 am for weeks in a row.
All of this biohacking sleep creates anxiety within those who struggle to get the biohackers prescribed 8 hours. In my entire adult life, I’ve never slept 8 hours unless I’m sick or have taken something to help me sleep. It’s obvious this is my natural rhythm, 7 hours a night would be lovely every night, but are we even meant to sleep for so long in one block? When we lived in tribes, someone would need to be on the lookout at night. Mothers are usually up with the babies and children, which has always been. In some European and Mediterranean countries, they sleep 5-6 hours at night and then siesta during the day. Creatives are often more creative at night. Other examples are mentioned in the podcast and scientific research to support the conversation.
I’m now very curious to explore who my Night Self is and get to know her. I think it’s a beautiful and artistic reframe. I love to embrace what is rather than fight and try to control it. I guess it’s about letting go, flowing with the universe and living your life like it is a piece of art.